Hack & Sack New Jersey 2001

The Krylons invaded New Jersey one day. They had nothing personal against the Garden State, but they wanted to conquer New York City so they’d have a place to park, and they needed a base of operations. The Jerseyites were annoyed enough at being invaded. But being told that their state was just a stepping stone to New York was the last straw. As one, they rose up to fight for their homeland.

They didn’t have much to fight with. The federal government refused to intervene, because the Krylons’ green cards were all in order. The National Guard could help, if they could mobilize in time. Some of the state’s more militant citizens needed no encouragement to take up arms against the alien invaders. And a mad scientist in Newark (every cheesy sci-fi story needs a mad scientist) figured out how to turn pleasure boats and junk cars into impromptu spacecraft. But the aliens had big advantages in firepower and mobility.

On the plus side, the Krylons didn’t bring much of their advanced technology to bear. Their code of honor forced them to fight at the level of their intended victims, and they turned to the New Jersey media to determine what that level should be. Luckily, the Krylons’ cable TV had been cut off due to a billing error; they could only get one channel on their TV sets, and that channel was running a barbarian-movie festival that day. So the alien spaceships began disgorging their equivalents of Cossacks and Roman legions, thinking them adequate for the task of subduing the Garden State.

Boy, were they in for a shock.